self~~

Sunday, February 27, 2005


When do u usually give pressure to yourself? When it's approaching examination preiod? When u have too many things to do?

What is giving me pressure lately, is being a Christian. People c Christian as people that should not do or behave in certain ways. People can give u pressure, but what is unbearable is when the pressure giver is yourself.

When i lose my temper, my mind would remind me the fact that my temper is getting out of hand again, and in order to prove to my mum that Christianity helps me to overcome that, i have to remind myself time n again to control my temper. Temper is getting v v out of hand lately.

Yesterday, I went clubbing with my JC friends and Charlene, and then i sent Sumin, Charlene home, and Qianni back to hall, and i was rather pissed when directions of road was given kinda last min. I speed as i was pissed. I was controlling, yet i was denying. I don't want to be reminded of God at that time. I just wanted to be... alone ... n to get angry, and to be.. myself.

Lately i've been doing lots of thinking... About friends, school, studies, love and religion. At times, i felt the lonliness. I stopped those feeling by keeping myself occupied. Friendship then came into my thoughts, then followed by BGR. Study has been on a rock lately, with me going out everyday. I have to keep reminding myself

"And forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us" (Taken from the weekly "Lord's Prayer")

I have to stay as, mind free as possible, as cursing of people in the heart is a SIN~! Argh.. I understood how tough it is for God, when he came down and be a perfect MAN, n died a painful death. Being perfect is so difficult. Struggling with own desires and selfish thoughts really pull me down. Guess it's time for more prayer, so that God can help me go through with this, and guide me along. I really wished my temper can be controlled.

Wanting something is totally different from saying you want it. It means really, sincerely, and putting your heart into doing it.

2/27/2005 12:09:00 AM|