two-timed

Saturday, May 05, 2007


He's doing that. His ex did that to him, and he's doing that to me now.

"Of course i love you. i'm nuts about you." this is the msg i saw from his phone from the other ger.

He confessed to me the day before. I just chose to hang on.

I deluded myself, and i'm still sweet towards him. My heart hurt so much, i don't know who i am anymore. I still wanted to spend the weekend with him. I wish i can sway his heart, but i know it's useless. He can message "miss you" n "love you" to the ger, but he cant to me. The feelings is gone. It's just gratitude he had for me.

The things we share, it no longer matters. The time and effort i put in, it fades with time. I just wished for a good weekend, then i'll put everything down. I would stay away from him, and find more time for friends. I need all the support i can. I am collapsing. Being by myself as i typed this, i'm tearing.

Since 3 days ago, after i skipped my meal, i cant eat any stuff. I'll vomit out all the food i ate. But through it all, at least i lost 2 more kg. Found it so funny that when dad saw me this morning, he said i'm too thin. He asked me to not go even thinner, else i'll look so ugly. haha.

I know my family and friends would be there... i know they would. When would i move on? I don't know. At least i got my work to immune me now. I have God. God is always there... it's just that i've forsaken him for a long time.. but he's still there. Waiting behind for me to fall back on. I just need to be strong. I need the strength and will to be back to my normal happy self.

Weekend, here i come. I would survive.. i wish...