Sins of the Spirit

Thursday, October 04, 2007


Discontent, jealousy, bitterness, resentment, defensiveness, touchiness and ingratitude are the dispositions that alienate our friends and embitter every life.

I cried again.. as i read the bible and think about dar. For our entire afternoon yesterday, there's no sms exchange. He reached home, and carry on to do his work without bothering to even msg or call. Weds was supposed to be a day i purposely set no night tuition for, so that i can see him, but i went home after tuition yesterday to study for my test. I called him on my way home, sounding normal. Hanging up phone call is unlike previously where there's this softness and sweetness. Hanging up is like "Ok lor. Bye." Super like that i'll do with friends. Where's all the sweetness? Gone.

When we first started, he bought me a webcam, saying he wants to see me when we did not meet, but now, we did not see each other for 3 days le.. of course no web cam used so far. Web cam isn't used for a very long time. Our msges was v sweet in e beginning. "Of course i'll have time for you". "I miss you". Now, even the "i miss you" sounds as if it's just said for the sake of saying it.

I'm someone that likes to solve prob. I don't like to have prob hanging, but what i'm getting now is more like... he don't bother. I prayed and i cried. I felt miserable. I need someone to be there, not someone that isn't there. Seeing his pics upset me. Seeing him having the hack-care attitude dampen my mood. I can only rely on God. I can only walk along and look out for directions.

I'm very tired. My test is in 3 hrs time, and i haven finished studying. I'm thinking of him, and i'm gonna explode. I shall control myself and stay silent. Shall let time do it's work. I shall not meet him for an entire week. Maybe 2? Maybe 3? Not sure. Since he don't bother... i shall let my miserable feeling go. Since he don't want to face it, i shall not try to solve it. God will decide what will be the conclusion in the end.

Crying makes my eyes tired, but tears refused to stop flowing.This time, it's really flooding. I hate the feeling. It's so familiar. I'm miserable.

10/04/2007 08:47:00 AM|