stupid

Wednesday, April 06, 2005


I'm felt stupid. I hate myself, for not being able to do well despite working hard. Y am i like that?

Since young, in my pri sch, i always got the last few positions in class. Reason may be caused my pri sch set tougher paper, or that my peers r so much smarter. Btw, i'm proud to say i came from a SAP primary sch, which is my church primary sch.Hehe. Enough of digression... then.. i got an average result that can go to lousy sec sch express stream, but cannot go to good sch normal stress. Miraculously, i became smarter in sec sch! I was once a teacher pet because of my maths results. My positions always move nearer and nearer to the front. I am finally not student in the last few positions~! I got into e best class after streaming in sec 2,n once again, i did not get e last few positions! I am proud of myself, somehow.

Then i moved on to JC. I went to a neighbourhood new jc, with little friends but into the subject combination i love. I became smart again~! I was assigned one of the maths "leader", and i enjoyed teaching others. I constantly seek for better results, and i enjoyed being the smarter one who understood and applied formulae without much problems. Result out, i was not smart.

From then onwards, i started to become stupid all over again. Stupid as in, get lousy result, but still slack. Study at times, but did not get gd result. Did tutorials, but mostly with the help of solutions. Asked people for help, CONSTANTLY~! I'm angry with myself~! Y have i became like this? What have gotten into me?

Maybe, i'm just afraid of studying hard, n getting lousy results, n ended up being more demoralised. Maybe... I really did become stupid.

Tml is my mental health quiz. I was studying for it just now, n i came upon a type of therapy used by pschologist. Cognitive Therapy". It's to change the negative thinking to the positive one. The techniques is to challenge those self defeating thoughts by reality testing and to encourage patient to set reasonable expectations and standards.

Reality testing... that i'm not stupid? Cant really think of anything. I really am stupid since i came uni. Result wise, it's not gd. Quiz wise, not gd. I just flucked my french CA2! The only thing i can convinced myself is i'm forever stupid. At least i was ONCE smart. So.. maybe i can conclude.. this therapy don't work for me.

Is there a possibility that a person can become smart all of a sudden somehow? Or should i just try my best by working hard?

4/06/2005 06:13:00 PM|