thoughts

Wednesday, April 13, 2005


Have u ever get felt confused bout what u're feeling? What exactly is it that u're thinking about? N what u r trying to convince yourself to believe in? Somehow, i started to question.. who am i?

While sitting in the library, trying my utmost best to study, my thoughts drift off. It drifted off not to mat.sci, maths, chem, or any other of my modules... it drifted off to.. ME.

Quite a long time ago, i kinda concluded to myself that i am a sort of person that could control what i was thinking. I can stop myself from thinking bout sad things, and then talk to myself and get healed psychologically. I can tell myself how i should think and what i should refrain from thinking of. But somehow, i wondered... what is my exact thoughts? What am i thinking of before i take control of my thoughts? How can i undo my "controlling" and allows my thoughts to control my emotion and physical states?

What dawned on me just now was a part of the 9pm Channel8 show,"活下去". Liangyi did not really hesitate when he donated his bone marrow to anan. He is a great guy. He don't find it that GREAT a thing to mention about. He's humble. But, did he not have a tiny bit of thoughts in him to boost abit? I'm not saying that i would want to boost about it if it's me... but somehow, i wondered about ... "whether he have ever thought of that at all?" Argh.. i'm more and more confused about how the mind works.

Another mind game. Roomie's friend, which in turn became my friend, told her to chant every day, "I love studying. Studying is my passion." Is that another kind of mind control. At least for this case, i'm sure that it's brain washing and that for sure, your mind is thinking of the opposite. But other than this sorta examples, how exactly do u know what u are thinking of at any point of time? I'll pray bout it...

Controlling your own mind can be good for those failure-in-bgr cases. At least u can get over that guy/ger soon. But too much controlling causes u confusion. Maybe it's just me...

4/13/2005 05:20:00 PM|