over

Monday, May 07, 2007


It's over. Lasted 1 year. I gave in my all. I've became numb.

Weekend spent almost seems like our usual time together. Sweet and normal. I felt as if it's just a celebration of our anniversary, instead, it actually marks e end of our relationship, the ending which i knew would come from the start.

I once said, God always decide my path. That's y i go PJC, then to NTU, instead of the school i wanted to go. Right from the start, i know he is not the one for me. I asked God to forgive me and let me be with him... and this is the end i got. During our year together, this is not the first girl he had. He had many other flings before that. How sweet. Never know he's just a jerk. I still love him... and i hate to hate him. My layout was made from his drawings, and i really dun wanna change it. Alot of the things i used was given by him. Even my phone was partially paid by him. I cant possibly change my everything. Sigh... I don't know.

Louis came just now. He asked for a hope to be together again, i told him i'm numb. I'm like a wall that would not give in to anything. I do not know how to love again. No point going on with a relationship with gratitude. Ryan was with me partially because of guilt. Love.. he's not even sure. Maybe just at the start.

That's y.. it's best to find someone that love u more than u love him/her, and it'll be best if u love him too. For me, i don't want anymore of that. I'm Single, and only available to God. I need to go back to him. To read his Words, and to serve him. I shall not delude myself in the worldly desire. I've been avoiding it for a very long time.

I must recover~! and fast~! i shouldn't be sobbing and crying away, when he's happily messaging his new gf, and sending love and kisses. He's enjoying himself, while i suffered, I WUN WANT THAT~! i gave in my all, and this is what i get. Enough~! That's enough for me to go through in my 22 years in Earth~!

I've given up~!