a gIrL's dReAm~~

Saturday, April 10, 2004


Lately, i've experienced sadness, jealousy, envious n happiness~! N once again, in my free time, i like to day-dream. Lately.. i kinda day-dream bout what i wish my future guy would be like. I dream for a innocent n pure relationship... Somehow, i picture myself, in those cute "bunny-ears" hairstyle, holding a little guy with those cute short pants.. hopping our way around a garden full of flowers. Wahaha. I am practically smiling to myself for my whole free time at work. I wonder how people view me then.. lunatic?.. runaway patient frm woodbridge?.. But i don't really care, as long as i'm happy. It's been so long since i felt so damn "released".... from the stress of work n over-exhausting of brain cell. Why the hack did i mention brain cell? Simply because i cant find words to replace. I thought of many many things lately.. n finally i've came to a conclusion for all that i was thinking of.

Auntie Qi mentioned on e phone call last night that, she n kaixin mentioned bout my lacking self confidence. I admit to that. I always think myself as an extra. Extra = not needed = superfluous = overabundent. I thought through what she said.. n i came to a conclusion to have self-confidence from now on~! Life becomes more n more interesting for me lately... so much interesting that i don't want to die just like that.

Yesterday outing was fun, warm & damn fulfilling. Fun: We shared stuff like NS thingy, relationship thingy n some ongoing events in each n everyone's life. Warm: My "son" is becoming more n more filial n i can feel e whole batch of us bonding like we used to bond 2 yrs ago. Fulfiling: My jealousy turn to envying upon seeing the extreme perfect couple, kw n his gf. I don't know y.. but after seeing both of them together, my jealous feeling just go off, n right now, i just wish that i'll get to go for their wedding dinner. It's so much better to have 2 attached good guy friends, which whom i can talk crap to without getting those weird feelings~! Wahaha.. i'm back to my usual self, n i feel happier than usual~!

Back to my little girl dream... People always say.."Good things are worth the wait", n i shall wait.. N at the moment, i am enjoying life to e fullest, although i still have to go work n i still HAVE no where to go after work. More n more people are attached.. but...i don't feel lonely! Y? Because i got a crush on someone.. n it's such a great feeling. E feeling of knowing that person is single, n that person is close to me, N even if i won't be able to start a relationship with him, i'm happy for e moment. Hmm.. lately if anyone saw me smiling to myself while walking or waiting, don't think that i'm mad, because i'm quite sure that i would have happy thoughts for a long long time.

4/10/2004 05:56:00 PM|