sPaRe tImE~~

Sunday, April 11, 2004


I hate time when i have nothing to do. It's not because it's boring, rather, it's because i tend to think too much when i have the time to. I can be happy for one moment, n suddenly sad n lonely for the next. Those sad feelings won't last, but i kind of don't wanna it to wear off too. I started to think again about how fun it'll be to have a shorter life span. To live for a shorter number of years. To be in hospital for treatment maybe? I came back to my usual conclusion: It's always when a person is hospitalise, or dead, then he/she can see the people that truly care for him/her.

On my way home frm breakfast at mac, i tried not to think so much, so i took out a novel, flipped the pages, n started reading through e whole journey. I don't want to get striked by the loneliness. Y lonelinesS? My 2 dearest church friends, both guys, brought their gers to breakfast. When Ben's gf, Eunice, n him was still there, i was still crapping, n acting like a idiot. When they left, i felt so weird that i'll rather not talk at all. I tried to warm up, but i still felt weird, so i choose to leave e couple to themselves. Hmm.. i wonder.. isn't it boring to c someone 7 days per week? I don't know about that, n i don't bother to know. I was glad Ben called me at night to ask about my day. Hmm.. guess i'll get a bday present, which is still long ago, for Ben at HK. He's really been a great friend to me lately, n kinda for a long long time le. That's y it's better to have gd friends of opposite sex n r attached. They'll still care bout it eventhough they have to spend more time with their gf. I'm touched by his effort to contact me.

My dearest son accompanied me to Westmall library after i chatted with him for hours online. We simply went to library, eat ice cream, n went to JE. I am waiting for time to pass, so i dragged William to chat with me. I walked him home, i offered to as i got lotsa time to waste, then walked to chevron for my bro bday celebration. I slowly walk there, n once again, my mind started to stray off. I started to think bout lotsa stuff. I started to think of how lonely i am. It's a bad feeling, n i want it off my mind.. but i cant get it off for tt moment. Stupid ants , big big ones, got inside my jeans n bite my leg n hip. It itch to get bite at, but gd to have my mind off on some thingy i was thinking of.

My thoughts include: friends having their own life now, friends that are working have their colleagues, friends that are studying have their classmates, friends that are in NS have their platoon/bunk/company mate. I'm working for my aunt, n it meant having no new friends n no after-work life. How happy am i? I would be trying my best to get lead my life as happily as possible, hopefully....

4/11/2004 11:11:00 PM|