envious~~

Wednesday, May 19, 2004


One word that i always used when commenting about other's life is Envy. After thinking it through abit, i finally understand y i seem to love to use that word. It's because, i always see e good in others life no matter how boring some may describe it as. I see my life as a boring n pointless life, leading each day with tv n going to work at a place where i usually slack. When i went to deliver flowers with my aunt once, somehow, i envied her job. She gets to go around delivering flowers, n time usually pass faster this way, n she gets to see so many places other than the shop. I'm bored to death in the shop. Although i got nothing better to do, i always pray hard that no customer would buy flowers too. I am not really the sort of people that like to entertain customer, n least of her, to introduce flower or to suggest color combination for the flowers they want.

I once wrote that after i see my friends life, i kinda envy it. I saw e fun in their life everyday. For da jie, i envied that she's still as close with those people at e outside CO we joined last time. THe CO was still around, but i've long since got out of it. I envied the strong bond they share. I envied Xiuling who gets to go overseas for attachment. I always wish for that, but i don't usually get e chance to. I vowed to do well for uni's CCA n grades so that i'll look as if i were a all-rounder, n that the teacher-in-charge would choose to me to go overseas. I envied Kim, Ning, Charlene, Yixin, ... ( e rest of e 4A gang ) for the bond they share. I always feel like an extra, n i was always there just to TRY to be in it. I envied Sihui for being so pretty n popular. I envied Auntie Qi for her wonderful life at work, which she has a lot of friends, n the weekend she always spend with her boy. I envied Olive who got so many yandao who are trying to please her. I envied Huiling for her busy attachment life, n the bond she shares with her sec sch classmates. I envied Kaixin for having a caring n yandao bf, n leading such a fun life which doing her attachment.

I tried to c e good n fun in my life, but most of e time, i cant really c it. I got back my driving final theory result, n i failed it. I was sad, disappointed n upset. I started to blame god for his doings again. I wonder y he always decide on stuff that would sadden me. It's for my own good! I kept telling myself that. Y does God gave me such a fat figure? Y does God let me go to school i don't want to go? Y does God let me failed e test? Human are most professional in complaining. SHIT ME FOR ALWAYS WRITTING SUCH STUFF! My aunt decides to not give me the pills, which meant, either i have to go buy it myself, or i should just use exercise as slimming method. I need to get my mind off such thoughts, but i'm simply too lazy to get something to do. SIgh. WIsh i'll be able to start envying myself.

5/19/2004 12:36:00 PM|