confused~~

Monday, January 03, 2005


At a point of time in life, is it common for people to stop and think about what they really want? Wealth? Education? Degree? A happily married life? Happiness? Nothing? What is it i want? What is really important to me?

I was walking in Jurong Point alone just now, visiting the library, and finding no book at all. My mind seem to be gone somewhere. I felt a need to read some bk frm Life Bookshop. I felt that i'm in need of something spiritally. I felt weird. I started to think alot, about stuff, and i question all the things in my life.

I read a portion of a book, and it states, "What is it people want?" and my mind started to wander. Am i desperate to get my degree and honors? Am i desperate to get a bf that really cares for me upon just breaking up? Am i in need of God's Words?

My ans to those questions: I wanted to get my degree, but i'm not sure whether i'm desperate enough. Something seems to be lacking in my life. I wished to find my dream guy, but i also know i have to be patient as God planned someone for me, i can choose my own, but whatever choice i made, i'll be the one responsible for it. I'm desperate for God's Word to enlighten me, to tell me the path he planned for me.

My current problem: Family Trust. I think i've once mentioned trust. Parents should not lie to their kids. My dad broke his promise to me, again n again within a mth, and mum isn't anything better. She always promise me things but fail to accomplish it. What other reason is there for me to trust in them? I know the Apostle Creed's wrote:

Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who transpass against us

but i really cant take it. To be lied to time n again. Argh. Who should i trusT? I only got one candidate in mind, God. But, because i don't know the path he planned for me, i became confused about my life. Somehow, i think i'm not doing enough in my life. Somehow, i wished so hard to be able to do volunteer work overseas~! I wanted to make my life useful. I wanted to excel in character. I wish i could.... if chance comes by....

Guess i'll stay confused for a while. I just wish that i can buy the bk i saw at "Life" n be enlightened about my queries. I knew God is there for me. I knew all i have to do is follow my inner feeling, the one i cant control. I believe the holy spirit is in me, guilding my path, making me feel stuff which would move me. Thank you God.

1/03/2005 05:43:00 PM|