dEpReSsIon~~

Saturday, February 28, 2004


I'm having some peoblem here. i suspect maybe it's "depression". I cried out of a sudden when i lay on my bed. My heads were flooded with thoughts that made me real crazy n mad. I cant think properly N i don't know what to do. Just now when i was lying on the bed, I'm not sure what happened to me, i just cried out. Maybe i cant stand it being at home for so long. Maybe because I did not c many people at home. At work, i usually play around with my colleague, thinking of pranks n teasing them at times, or sometime got teased by them, then all of a sudden, i'm ALONE, at home, without having anything to think about. Maybe that makes me burst. For now, i seems to be able to think more sensibly than i could just now. I'm driving myself mad.

Depression: The condition of feeling sad or despondent. Eventhough i'm not behaving like myself lately, i don't feel like talking to my friends. I might sound normal online, but when i'm alone, i became lunatic. I cant think right. E only thing i want to do, is to lie on my bed. Once i lay there, i started to think about e regrets i have, the confusion i created to make my life more complicated N my coming result which would be released next week. I cant stop worrying. Y? cause i got nothing to think about n nothing to do. Maybe that's y mum approached aunt to give me a temporary job. Aunt called me to go to his flower shop to help out. I just have to listen to call n take down the messages. She seems to hint that there's "no qian2 tu2", n i guess it meant, she won't give much money, or maybe won't give me money at all. It's like.. a job for me to pass time. Argh`.. It's like taking advantage of me...but i cant really reject the offer, as it's mum who helped me arrange that. She don't want me to lie around at home, doing nothing except to sleep.

Lately, i don't even have appetite. I felt like vomiting when i see food. Actually, i intended to skip dinner tonight, as i really don't feel well, but dad bought dinner, so guess i'll just have to finish it. Maybe i'll threw it away when no one is looking. Maybe i'll share it with mum. I guess i'll try to avoid food for now.

After thinking sensibly for a hours after i woke up, I guess what i needed most now is the fresh air. I need to go jogging. I need to go out, rather than staying at home. Maybe after i go jogging, n after i bathed, i'll bring my dog down for a walk. Pray hard i won't vomit when i jog. Argh`.. I have to do something, or else i'm going crazy. Maybe that's e reason y i'm getting photoshop from Mr Teng. I need to think about something, N the thing is.. a new blog layout. I intended to search for "Gareth Gates" pic, n maybe make a layout of his. I want my next layout to be original. I'll use all the skills i learned from all the layout i've created, which is like.. only 3? hee~. At least i'll have something to focus on. Gonna go for my jog. Wish i'll get better by the day.

2/28/2004 06:46:00 PM|