summing up

Friday, May 16, 2008


Felt like summing up my relationship.. maybe take note of stuff i should learn before embarking on e next one.Let's do it in a story telling form.

In the year 2000, Xia was a girl who likes to chat in IRC. Friends that seems nice are added into ICQ. Xia know this guy called dar. Not knowing why, dar seems kinda attractive, maybe because he looks decent and his life seems different than hers. Xia met him a few times, but of cos Xia knows it was impossible between them. They seemed to be of different world, with different background. Anyway, he was just one crash that Xia had.Over the years, Xia met him a few more times, but friendship was not as close.

In the year 2006, Xia went to France for summer study. She had a boyfriend who she officially got together with not long before she went. She was always online to chat with the boyfriend through skype. At one time, dar suddenly msn her. Being someone that Xia likes before, Xia happily msn him back, and they began chatting.

When she got back from France, msn session with him became more often, and they usually went out for supper, as purely friends. He knew she was attached and mutually, they just treat one another as buddy - someone that can provide company and is easy to be with.

On 8th May 2007, Xia and her bf officially broke off. She was sad. Even before breaking off, she knew what was coming. Her health was failing, and she kept puking. She cried suddenly and uncontrollably. Dar was with her as a friend. Companionship was sufficient. Xia felt comfortable, and relaxed around him. Shortly after, unexpectedly, on one occassion when they went out, they suddenly fell for one another. Xia DID NOT treat him as a replacement. SMS got sweeter between them. Xia was always full of smile when she got his sms.

On 18th May 2007, they were attached. His kisses melts her heart. She felt so comfortable and so dream like. She never imagined there would be a day they got together. She was happy and for the first few days, she would wake up and wonder whether whatever happened recently was all a dream. It was very sweet. He bought her a webcam, so that they could see each other when using msn. He was thoughtful. She was deeply in love with him.

But happiness could not last for long. Sms exchange became lesser when he switches job. Maybe it was also because, they met almost everyday, and she always stayed in his house. She felt kind of neglected, and although problems were brought up, it was easily evaded by him. She chose not to bother as much, and acceoted things as it is. She love his family. Love chatting and teaching his sister. She also felt welcomed. When she was in his home alone when he went to church, his siblings would enter the room and entertain her. She felt so comfortable. Maybe it's because of this, her tolerance level was high. However sad it is, breakup never came into the picture.

Slowly and slowly, msges reduce to only at night or only when he needs her. Passion does not seem to be there anymore. She failed entirely to spark up the relationship, as nothing seems to work. Knowing him fully, he's not one guy that u can push him if he refused to. Just like when he nap. When u tried to wake him and get him to bathe first, he'll get angry and refused to wake. When u just leave him to be, he'll wake as and when he likes and bathe. That's him. To fully accept him for who he is... is possible, but tiring.

Xia tried to meet him less during exam period. Xia wished to see some changes in him. Xia wished he would miss her. Xia wished he'll give her the attention she wanted. Nothing much happened during that period. There were mostly just night msges, and at time, no phone call at all for the entire day. Xia was sad, but she knew it did not affect him at all. He seems too "cool" to react.

Xia is embarking on a new phase of life soon. Xia is graduating and starting work on 23rd June. She did not want to waste time anymore. What was the point of dragging on to see what would finally happened between her and dar, when high percentage of it was.. maybe breakup still. She did not want to waste anymore time. She was even more disappointed when his reaction to the breakup was "hao ba..sorry". It made her felt.. all along, whatever she did for him was all a waste of time.

Somehow, reasons for tolerating was actually wanting to settle some stuff for him. She wished she would at least help him by driving him to see the bicycle he wants, and finally drive him to buy it.She wanted him to have another account for saving, so he'll have better money management. She drifted apart for a while so he could get used to not having her around. Having seen that he is surviving well, and had already gotten used to not having her, AND also, his sister exam is over, she felt it was the right time to leave him.

Maybe my secondary friend is right. Maybe my expectation is too high. Maybe i should not expect too much from him. But..that's me. I want to solve problems. I don't like problem to linger around for a long time to spoil a relationship. But, through the relationship with Dar, i learn how to take care of a person. I loved taking care of him.. grooming him. I learnt alot. I just wish he'll not be such of a problem evader. I wish he'll start to think more about his future. Look beyond what he has. Go for courses to enrich his skills. I wish for friendship. Sighz.

I wanted to avoid the weekend as it was supposedly our one year anniversary. Despite having no spare cash, i agreed to go genting with my JC friends. I guess they'll help me tide through that day.

Xia is moving on~!