friendship lost

Wednesday, December 24, 2008


Years of friendship can be lost just like that. It's heartbreaking.

Super recently, i have another miscommunications with a friend,S. I did not even know she was angry, until i got an sms from an even closer friend of ours, asking me y i have yet to c the problem, and that it happened so many times with me n S. I prompted and called, but she did not answer or reply.

I was sick shortly after. I had sore throat, flu and cough. Yet at the same time, i was still wondering what went wrong.

On Mon, i really cant stand e suspend anymore, so i smsed again. She replied saying she did not know what to say and she took a few days to cool down and think about it. My first reaction: What is she angry with? She just say she'll tell me another time. Ok. Nothing was explained.

I went online to check my mail cos i wanted to upload my expense excel sheet to my email, and i found the mail from S. In short, she mentioned "It all started with our group meet-up recently, xia always have a reason not to come, last minute." She too mentioned that other gers will ask for another date to meet up so they can set aside the days, but i did not reply like them. I will just say whether i can make it, and if not, i'll say i can not. I wun set a day to meet them.

This kind of prob happened with my secondary sch clique too. I admit, it's my fault cos i choose BF over friends last time, and i really really want to make up for that, so i never failed to turn up ever since redang. But still, my reputation about promising to go, but failing to appear SETTLED deep in their head. (For info: When i was with my ex, i plan my schedule according to theirs. At times, they want me to meet them and pleaded me not to go for outing, and i relented. That's how i earned that kinda reputation.)

Bf n me quarrelled many times recently, saying i prioritise in meeting my friends. He quarreled with me when i say i want to go clubbing with O n Q. He quarrelled when i say i took leave for that. He got angry when i insisted on meeting sec sch fren on Fri. I refused to give in, n i went ahead with meeting friends. I'm glad i do though, n i seriously hope they will get the "xia always have a reason not to come, last minute" out of their mind. Sigh.

I gave up on my JC friends. Disagreement or Displeasure occurred, the most rational thing to do is to talk it out, but they DID not explain. They tot they know everything, but they did not. Does they know the reason behind.. i doubt they know. They generalise. They too only remember the bad experience. They dun appreciate the effort. They may not even think any effort was made. They did not take time to understand. They ASSUME.

It's e same with me n bf. He assume a lot. I accomodated many times, but he did not see it. I value outing, as it's not easy to gather grp of friends. My only small grp of fren is Qi yi n Sihui, my taiwan backpackers gers. Glad since it's smaller, i did not fly aeroplane. I only organised outing for IA, and never attempted to do with Sec sch...Somehow i felt.. within e grp.. i'm drifting..or maybe all along i'm not v IN. Is there very close buddy among all? No.. i dun have a buddy who meet with me as a small grp. They will have a few gers tt will meet often. I only get updates in outing. But still, i value the friendship, cos they know me well.

Anyway, i mourned for the friendship with my JC friends. I cried replying it. My disappointment overwhelms that of sadness.

Y cant pple focus on the gd point? Y cant pple look on the brighter side? Y cant pple just forget the bad? That's human i guess.

12/24/2008 01:19:00 AM|