No Expectations

Friday, July 17, 2009


Xia is free from boyfriend... free from the agony of having to be an empty shell. She can finally be herself, but she must overcome mistakes from repeating and falling that easily.

Past few days for me has been a very very frustrating and tiring week for me. Once again, i started to have crush on a friend. Main reason being of the feeling of being treated like a woman, and the rather frequent contact and special feelings i suddenly have. It was rather bad... when sms did not come as often as the days progresses.

I prayed about it, hoping the feeling will go away, hoping that God will help me, lead me and STOP me from having such feelings so often. I don't need guys right? Y the hell am i always falling for people just because they treat me nice? Why then do i have guys buddy who i dun fall for? Y can my buddy be my buddy, but why will i have certain feelings for certain guys insteaD? sigh...

My prayer was answered the following day, which confirm that, he is slowly fading to become a friend... a good friend maybe. Someone to crap with. Someone that most probably that i can finally stop having feelings for. And maybe someone that can provide me with inputs from guy's perspectives in the future?

I need to sort out my thoughts... really think through what i want in life. Life seems to get ... really really boring.. i am working and tuitioning and indeed there dun seem to be a purpose in my life. I AM busy.. but i dun wan to just be busy making money... but now i cant give up making it. I need some time by myself, and stop falling for whatever guy that comes along.. SIGHZ~~

My bday is coming.. Actual day wise, i don't feel like giving tuitions. Most prob i'll be by my own... maybe driving out somewhere.... and just think.... and maybe i can go shop alone after that to spoil myself... i just dun wanna stay home. . . i felt i'm quieter lately...

Meanwhile, i'll just live without expectations, and not fall for any guy. I will overcome my feelings with the help of prayers and God's power.. i wanna go back to Him.

Life will be so much simplier without so many expectations...